“What else does this craving, and this helplessness proclaim but that there was once in humans a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This they try in vain to fill with everything around them, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and unchangeable object; in other words by God himself.”
--Blaise Pascal, French mathematician, physicist and religious philosopher

Ever wonder why suicide rates are so high among people who seem to have it made?

Ever wonder why so many people who are poor in material terms are so happy?

How about you? If you try to fill an emotional hole with any of the 7 Deadly Sins (lust or extravagance, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride) you are not alone. One of the top reported reasons for alcohol or drug abuse is that people are looking to fill an emotional hole. 

These emotional holes come from our primitive needs for sex, security and social acceptance. When we feel unfulfilled, we tend to turn towards our primitive needs to fill the void. This may be done by overeating, promiscuous behavior, over working, or by self-medicating through substance abuse.  It may be that this void is filled emotionally through anger, jealousy or depression.

In many cases, these may be moderate responses -- who hasn't felt angry or depressed at times. But major problems can come from a constant, empty feeling. If not dealt with, the response tends to be progressive and frequently requires some type of intervention.

Pascal is often quoted as saying that this is a God-sized hole.  I would say that this is a God-of-your-understanding-sized hole. Pascal may have brevity on his side but I want to be clear that I'm not here to tell anyone who their God should be.

For me, to fill my holes, I need to move from the primitive to the spiritual. These suggestions are drawn from my experiences with various religions and denominations, various martial arts, 12 step programs and readings from the Bible to new age authors. 

Listen for the small, still voice within you.  This is a central part of Quaker worship, which consists and listening for the still, small voice within. For some, this may be the voice that lets you know what's right and what's wrong. Many times it's there and we are just not listening. For others, it may be a soothing, peaceful voice that let's you know that all is right with the world. Take some time every day to relax and reflect in a completely quiet place if possible.

Think broadly and expansively. Many times it helps me to think very broadly about problems that I may to face. At minimum, this gives me a better perspective. Frequently I am better able to understand where someone else is coming from. 

See the world and beyond with awe.  This is a big one for me. The reason I am absolutely sure that a higher power exists is when I look at my world -- the New England fall foliage, the stars at night, the gleam in a baby's eyes, the birds and animals and I could go on and on and on. I try to find awe where I can and frankly I don't have to look too far. All I do is ask myself, "How is this possible without a higher power?"

Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. This is more than a bumper sticker. When my daughter complained too much about what there was to eat in the house (and there was plenty of healthy food), I took her shopping and we brought food for our local soup kitchen. When we delivered our groceries there, it was an incredible eye-opening experience. It has made her think twice about what she has, and more importantly I think, it has instilled a sense of kindness in her. My experience has been that I get as much, if not more, from giving than I do from receiving.

Seek harmony. I practiced the martial art of Aikido for a number of years. Aikido is translated as "the Way of the harmonious spirit".  In Aikido, a person will seek to blend with the force of an attack and then redirect the attacker. The goal is to allow practitioners to defend themselves while causing no injury to the attacker.  The combination of meditative centering and developing the ability to relax the mind and body in dangerous situations is a form of spiritual training. For those interested in martial arts consider Aikido and Tai Chi, which has many similarities, as two good possibilities.

Be at peace with yourself. According to Dr. Herbert Benson, president of the Mind/Body Medical Institute of Boston's Deaconess Hospital and Harvard Medical School, "Anywhere from 60 percent to 90 percent of visits to doctors are in the mind-body, stress-related realm." So take care of yourself. Your emotional well being is just as important as your physical well being. In all probability, they are inextricably linked.

You never have to be alone again. If you're in need of help because of addictions to substances, overeating, sex or gambling, you may have begun to isolate yourself. As a good friend of mine has said, you never have to be alone again, and actually, it is nearly impossible to deal with these issues without getting some help. 12 step programs are a great place to start and you can find links to most of them here.