In the prime of his life, he spent more than 10,000 days in prison for leading a movement against apartheid. In 1962, following a tip from the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency, he was arrested for leading a workers strike and leaving the country illegally. After addtional charges were added in 1963 he was sentenced to life imprisionment.
While in prison, he performed hard labor at a lime quarry. His D-group prisoner designation (the lowest) gave him the fewest rations and severe visitation restrictions (one visitor and one letter every six months).
In 1981, his country's intelligence agency plotted to aid in his escape from prison so that he could be shot during his recapture.
After he was released from prison, President Bill Clinton asked him, "When you were taking your last walk for freedom, didn't you hate your oppressors again?" Walking out the last time. He said, "I did for a while, after all. Look, they kept me for twenty-seven years. I didn’t get to see my children grow up. I felt hatred, and I was afraid. I hadn’t been free in so long.” And then he smiled at me and he said, “If I still hated them when I got outside the prison gate, I would still be their prisoner.” He said, “I wanted to be free, and so I let it go.”
“I wanted to be free, and so I let it go.”
He is Nelson Mandela and that is why we forgive. Nelson Mandela went on to win the first democratic election in South Africa and served as President from 1994-99. He has received more than one hundred awards including the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993.
Why we should forgive
It sets us free
Many people misunderstand forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of grace and mercy, which does not free the guilty person from consequences. While forgiveness may encourage the offending party to change, the primary purpose is to free us from hatred and bitter feelings.
Your life will be strengthened
Forgiveness has a powerful effect on people. Your forgiveness of another strenghthens your self-esteem and makes you more compassionate for others.
Forgiveness will make you healthier
The inability to forgive can lead to chronic anger and hostility. This may cause stomach upset, ulcers, headache, backache, high blood pressure and in severe cases can lead to panic attacks or a panic disorder. Forgiveness relieves this type of anger and hostility -- after you forgive you will feel more balanced.
How to forgive
It's important to understand forgiveness as the process of letting go of resentment, indignation and anger caused by the actions or the perceived actions of another. Ask yourself what is causing your resentment or anger. Remember that sometimes expectations grow up to be resentments and that sometimes what you are angry about in another person is also something you don't like about yourself.
These are not prerequisites. Even if you played absolutely no role in the offense you should still forgive -- do it for yourself because it sets you free of the hatred and bitter thoughts.
When you forgive someone this does not mean that they are no longer accountable for their actions. For instance, while a an abused wife may forgive her husband that doesn't mean that she should stay with him or that he should not face the consequences of his behavior. It does mean that through forgiveness she would no longer would have to be captive to his violence in a physical sense or through bitterness or hated.
Way to forgive
- Meditative Prayer in a major Gallop poll they found that the only effective way to forgive for most Americans was through meditative prayer.
- Course in Miracles integrates ideas from Christianity, Eastern religions, and psychology with a focus on the practice of forgiveness.
- Write a letter to the person (you can mail it or not it's up to you) where you fully forgive them. Express not only your negative feeling but your positive feelings to.
- Visualize yourself in a forgiven state. Feel what it's like to have released the anger and resentments and what it's like to live without bitterness and hated. Don't look back.
What if I can't forgive
Many times people find it impossible to forgive, especially in cases of the death of a loved one. Honestly, in those circumstances I'm not sure that I could forgive -- but I would try. Use the example of Nelson Mandela, the suggestions in this post and other examples below to help you.
Extraordinary Acts of Forgiveness
